I asked Nancy Schneider if she would write an article on traditions. She gave a talk last year to a group of moms about traditions, and I found it very helpful. So thanks, Nancy, for taking the time to write this for us.
During the holidays, we frequently hear, “Well, it’s a tradition in our family to….” Some of the answers are “open the gifts on Christmas Eve,” “read the Luke Christmas story on Christmas morning.” “fill our stockings with fruit and candy.” (editor’s note: I’ve told my family that I’ve never warmed up to the fruit-in-the-stocking routine. I buy my own fruit at Publix.)
These beloved (or not) holiday traditions – just where do they come from? How do they get started? Sometimes completely random events become traditions. Right or wrong. Important or not. Holiday traditions are with us and have tremendous power to enhance or detract from our relationships, especially our relationship with God.
Growing up, I experienced very few positive traditions - period – not just at the holidays. The family atmosphere was at times volatile and fairly unpredictable, thus my determination to create stability and a sense of belonging via “traditions” for my own children. Which begs the question, “Why are holiday traditions deemed desirable?” Why did I miss them? Why did I want to create them for my own family?
I actually found part of my answer in the Old Testament. With great regularity, God’s people were always marking special events with special stones or with the changing of one’s name. They also took time to retell the stories associated with the markers. All of this to remember – to remember God’s goodness and great power, which in turn had the potential to strengthen their faith. Taking time to remember and reflect is important, and over time, contributes to one’s self-identity.
I wanted to create traditions for our children to help establish their understanding of our family – what we value, how we treat others, how we function in this fallen world. I wanted our family to provide a safe harbor, specifically a place of rest and acceptance. I wanted our children to know that God knitted them together in a unique way and our family would celebrate (and challenge!) those uniquenesses. My husband and I believed traditions contribute toward those ends.
So, how did we do? The jury is still out as David is only 16 yrs. old; Ellen is 13 yrs. old. Life is still happening. I will share with you, however, that I’ve been asked the following comments,
“Who’s going to put the books under the tree?” When the kids were in preschool, we started the tradition of putting Christmas books under the tree. We’d meet there as a family during the week to enjoy bedtime stories. FYI: Christmas packages come out on Christmas Eve. Each year, we’ve added to the collection. (“Why Christmas Trees Aren’t Perfect” continues to be my favorite.)
“When are we going shopping for this year’s ornaments?” Each year, we let everyone select an ornament that they will eventually take with them to their first home. We also try to find an ornament that reflects family vacations or special events. This is a great way to “remember.” Ellen just asked me this year, “Are you sure we went to Orange City?” “Don’t’ you remember – it was with the Poe family.”
“Are we going to help with the Manna dinner?” We expect to set aside some time for the less fortunate. We’ve done this differently from year-to-year, but the end result remains: we will give to others in response to the gift we’ve been given in Jesus Christ.
“Are we going to look at lights?” When the kids were little, we lived in the Midwest, where we had snow and chilly temperatures. Dressed in warm pajamas and loaded with hot chocolate, we would drive around different neighborhoods rating Christmas lights. We have been known to take guests, too. While Florida’s climate doesn’t require a hot beverage for a similar outing, hey, it’s a tradition so it’s still hot chocolate for us.
There’s more to share (advent wreaths, making gingerbread houses), but I think you get the idea.
In closing, I’d encourage you to be intentional about choices we make for our family. Take time to ask “why,” and if you’re not satisfied, suggest a new approach. Don’t be overwhelmed. Take one step at a time.
And have fun! Some of our family’s best lingering one-liners were discovered during the holidays. “Hey, do you all remember the one with ….”
December 16th, 2006 at 4:26 pm
Here’s a questions. How do you create holiday traditions for couples without kids, like me? We tend to go to see family every year and do what they do. So they’re really not our (hubby and me) traditions.
It seems to be harder since Christmas seems to be enjoyed most by children and their parents.
December 17th, 2006 at 12:33 am
That’s really great, Nancy. And terrific ideas for traditions to start with our family. I am very similar to you as far as my family being unpredictable and unstable growing up. I never connected that to my strong desire for traditions with our own family. Makes sense.
One tradition we are beginning with our kids is this advent calendar that has magnet pieces of the nativity and little boxes that the kids open up every day of the month until Christmas (when the last piece is Jesus). It is so cute to see their anticipation to get to the box with Jesus in it.
Curious to other people’s traditions?????
December 17th, 2006 at 4:15 pm
Here are my thoughts for couples with no children. Kids or not, you still need to have discussions about your holiday expectations. Don’t assume anything. Do you want more time to be together? To stretch yourselves? To reach out to family and neighbors? For more time together, start the tradition of finding an Advent-based devotional to share as a couple during the season. A quick search on Google will lead you to several options. Another tradition might be adopting a senior citizen for the month. Most nursing homes are eager to match willing adults with residents with no local family support. Anyway, these are just ideas. The important thing is to be intentional about our time — which is a gift unto itself. Take time to ponder the desires of your heart and ask God for direction. He’s enormously creative!
December 18th, 2006 at 10:39 pm
Thanks Nancy for your reply. It is helpful.
December 19th, 2006 at 7:11 pm
I love all your creativity and intentionality (is that a word?) surrounding traditions, Nancy. That’s where I struggle the most…being intentional. There are a few traditions that I find easy to maintain…like having a Christmas Tree decorating party, or I have an advent calendar that I made. But I want to do more things like helping with the homeless or the nursing home idea. I’d also like to go look at Christmas lights. We did that occasionally as kids and I loved it. I’d like to start doing that with my kids. Thanks for the inspirations!!