I have been hearing, reading, and learning a lot about sufferings lately.

If you will recall, I wrote a while back that I was trying to see hardships in my life as God’s Pursuit of me. Well, I am still not getting it. In fact last week in a Bible Study I was working on, we read in Romans 8:18 that

“Our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”

I wrote how it bothers me that I still see suffering as a disappointment or frustration and not that I look at it with hope or expectation or even patience.

You see, I have been so aware lately with the hurts that we experience in life. In fact, recently at Church, I was sitting with my brother who is going through a divorce, and next to a young lady who lost her fiancé in Iraq, and began to be overwhelmed with all the hurts not only in my life, but those around me as well.
It’s hard to see the Hope in those situations. It’s hard to see God’s pursuit of our hearts through the pain.

I am thankful for the reminder today from Scott Puckett at Church, that God is the BLESSING!

So many times, the hurts in my life make me want to cling more to the things I consider as blessings…my husband, children, safety, security, etc. And I can hear God telling me that HE is the BLESSING! It is my heart with which He is concerned. And so, as Scott reminded me, I want to pray more for my heart and less for my circumstances, even when they stink!

On Sunday I was reminded again of the importance of fellowship with believers, as well as communal worship and the teaching of the Word. I had not been at church for a couple weeks due to nursery duty, and then my husband going out of town.

On the way to church, I prayed that the Holy Spirit would comfort me, and give me wisdom and wise teaching. I was angry, hurt, confused and frustrated by various events in my life.

I had the priviledge of sitting with my husband and one of my best friends and her husband, and behind my other best friend. Thank you, Lord, for the sweet fellowship of believers.

Jonathan led us in the song “God of Wonders,” and I began to weep as the Lord reminded me that He is Holy. It was as He was saying to me “I know that you are hurting, but what you need to rest in right now is that I am Holy. I will take care of everything, just rest in my character.”

Mark then preached from Esther about how nothing is by “luck,” but that God has everything planned out. Everything is for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28.) Again, it was as if the Lord was having that sermon preached specifically for me (which if course He was, as well as for others in the congregation that also needed to hear it.)

Thank you, Lord, for fellowship with other believers. And thank you, Lord, for instituting the church, and for calling some to be worship leaders, and others to teach the Word.

First of all, I want to thank everyone who has sent me recipes. I was organizing them tonight, and was salivating just looking at them. We can always use more, so please keep sending them in. You can give them to me, or email them to the “contact us” section.

I had a request from Kelly to post this chicken recipe, so here it is. I’ve made it numerous times, and it’s always well liked. And of course the best part is: it’s easy!!

Cilantro Chicken from Rinnie Hersman

4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
1 Tbsp. minced garlic
1 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. pepper
1/4 cup chopped cilantro
1/4 cup olive oil
1/2 cup butter, melted
1/4 cup lemon/lime juice

Mix ingredients minus chicken. Place chicken in pan and pour sauce over top. Bake at 375 degrees for 30 minutes. Serve over rice.

I posted this on my own blog several months back, just as I was coming out of a very difficult time of spiritual dryness. One of the means that God used to quench my thirst was the UPC women’s Bible study I was attending. As we are about to embark on a new semester of study, I wanted to share my thoughts from that time. I hope this may encourage more of you to join a study (there’s still time!). Maybe you are where I was…

“my heart’s electric with Your love again…” -Bill Malonee
For the past quite a long while I have been in what I’m calling a spiritual desert. Barren. Dry. No end in sight. A desert. So much so that in the much more recent past I have wondered things like “Is my faith real?” NOT “Is God real about who He is and what He says in the Bible”, but “Does my dryness reflect a lack of a real relationship with Him?” Good question. VERY important question. (And definitely an interesting question for the wife of a recently ordained pastor.)

This is the first time in my adult life that I have struggled with this, and honestly, it took me by surprise. As a child, I asked Jesus in my heart lots of times “just in case”. But by my teenage years, I felt very secure in my identity as a child of God. My college years affirmed this even more.

In college, more specifically in the summer of 2000, I truly came to understand what it meant to be a daughter of the King. For the first time in my life, I realized I wasn’t a “theoretical sinner” with “theoretical sins”. I was someone who knew exactly how dirty my heart was and how my actions expressed the dirt within. Even more importantly, I truly understood how Christ’s atoning blood paid for my sins and the grace that credited His righteousness to me. I say “understood”, but I really mean “was in awe of the fact that”. By feeling the weight of my own very real sins, I was in complete awe of what Christ’s work had accomplished in me. Amazing, really.

So somewhere between then and recently, a desert set in, harsh and very dry. Doubts came. First: does God really have my good in mind? Quiet followed. Was my life bearing fruit of proof of being His child? Would God allow me to see who He is, understand how He calls His people, and leave me on my own, looking in at the banquet through the window, never to be allowed in?

Hard questions that floated in my tired head as I watched the ceiling, trying to sleep. And, even better, the thought that I could let nobody know what I was thinking. After all what would people think about me? Gotta keep up appearances, right?

After a while, I did tell Ande. And I didn’t get “Great, I’m in the process of becoming ordained and my wife may not even be a believer!!” Instead I got love, support, prayer, and grace. I got “Jesus with skin”. And then I told some people in my LIFE group one night. Guess what. More “Jesus with skin”. All the while, I have been praying God would make Himself known to me, and give me faith to believe in what He says about me, even when the feelings aren’t there.

Cue a recent women’s Bible study at our church. For five weeks I’ve been in a Beth Moore study called “The Patriarchs: Discovering the God of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob”. Wow did God answer my prayers!

In Genesis, God makes a covenant with Abraham. God makes the covenant and God keeps the covenant, despite Abraham’s sin or his feelings or the long passage of time where God is quiet and Abraham is left wondering would God come through. God remained faithful to His word and His people because that’s who God is. He was faithful whether Abraham felt it or not or whether Abraham was faithful or not because it didn’t depend on Abraham.

Wow….you know what? It doesn’t depend on Kelly either. “If we are faithless, He will remain faithful for He cannot disown Himself” (2 Tim 2:13). God started it and God finishes what He starts, and He started a good work in me. I am His. When I feel it, when I don’t. Standing under the waterfall or crawling in the desert. “…being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Phil 1:6).

Today, Beth spoke to the issue of insecurity in our relationship with Christ. “God does not make Himself this hard to find!!!” she said. She’s so right. And I had to smile when she said it. My heart’s electric with Your love again…all praise to Him who deserves it.

I went for a run the other day (frankly, it looked more like a slow jog) in an attempt to fulfill some New Year’s resolutions. I also resolved to write consistently on this blog, so if all goes well, you’ll be hearing from me a little more often. (and to be honest, I don’t have to write much to beat out my 2006 posts).

With that said, as I was rounding the bend on my run, I noticed the sky. It was almost dusk and it hit me that the sky looked like a canvas. Filled with brush strokes of pink and purple hues, it felt like I was watching a valentine being painted for me.

And that’s when it hit me. I tend to think of God as having done something for me rather than doing something for me.

You know how there are some people who are so incredibly gifted at what they do that you don’t want them to stop? Whether it’s a classical pianist or a figure skater or a singer, you are amazed watching them because their talent is stunning. That’s how I felt on Wednesday with this run. As the clouds moved, it was God’s fingers pushing the brush. The talent of this Artist literally took my breath away.

Sometimes, His invisible hand makes a welcomed appearance.