Believe it or not, I’ve been wanting to write on here for months. Sometimes, I don’t write because I feel like I have nothing to say. At least nothing valuable. Not so this time.
No, I haven’t written because I’m scared. It’s taken a women’s retreat to expose a whole mess of duct tape wound so tightly around my heart, it’s hard to believe it still beats. You see, I’m the type of person who attributes tears to weakness, so I cling to laughter as my strength. Of course, what happens then when I’m falling apart at a Starbucks in
My duct tape looks a little like this:
- Don’t be that girl. You know who she is—the needy one
- Be strong — no one will fight for you
- Expect nothing—never be disappointed
- You’re forgotten—you’ll never be enough
- Keep deep relationships at a distance—you don’t need them
Maybe you see some of these barricading your own heart. I imagine you have your own set of hurts blocking your heart from receiving the love it was meant to feel. I’m learning a very powerful truth—I am deeply loved, whether I feel it or not. And by deeply loved, I mean the run after me, fight for me, astound me, never forget me, take the time to know me, kind of love.
And you are deeply loved too. Right now. As you are. Duct tape and all.
October 9th, 2007 at 7:26 am
Welcome back, Karin. Amazing how we can hear that God loves us over and over again, but it takes awhile for that to sink in.
October 9th, 2007 at 8:32 am
Wow Karin, thanks for being so open and vulnerable! I can totally relate to you on so many levels here. Sometimes it feels easier to put that smile on and pretend like every thing’s groovy. The kicker is that this isn’t really the easy way at all!
October 9th, 2007 at 8:51 am
Thank you for sharing your heart. You have no idea how beautiful it is to the rest of us! I love you!!
October 9th, 2007 at 12:55 pm
Thanks for being honest. This resonates with me, too. I really like that line in “How Can I Keep From Singing?” that goes, “I know I am loved by the King…” How overwhelming is it to be loved by a king? THE King? The King fighting for you, running after you, never forgetting you, always thinking of you. It’s a powerful thought for me.
October 9th, 2007 at 1:47 pm
I always love hearing your thoughts! Thanks for sharing your heart and risking being so honest. I love watching God work - not only in my life but in the lives of those around me. You are so loved!
October 10th, 2007 at 2:13 pm
Karin, you’re awesome. Thanks for sharing a deeper side of you. It’s inspiring.
October 10th, 2007 at 10:16 pm
I agree with the others…thanks for sharing. You know what I find interesting…the fact that I never would have thought you struggled with those things. Amazing how duct tape makes us look like we have it all together. And then, we, as women, go around thinking that no one else has issues!
January 30th, 2008 at 1:06 am
[…] heart. No, our heart can betray us, our heart hurts. So we learn to disconnect from our heart. And if you read about my heart, you’d know I have years of duct tape fighting against being unwound. But growth and […]