In Chapter 5, Sharon writes about the hard-hearted woman. She says that a heart of stone is nurtured by these four “uniquely feminine behaviors in relationship: jealousy, comparisons, envy, and gossip.” I sort of laughed at the”uniquely feminine” bit. Is that really true? I guess it probably is.
Jealousy – being afraid of being left out in relationships. I liked her discussion on God declaring Himself jealous and how that shows us just how far He’s willing to go to be in a right relationship with us. I liked how she said that jealousy has holy longing as its root and can be directed toward positively impacting relationships as long as it’s identified, admitted, and worked through. Instead of wallowing in self-pity when we perceive we’re being left out of a relationship, do something constructive about it! Confess it. Talk to the person who it involves. Don’t let it eat you and turn your heart cold.
Comparison – this is what unchecked jealousy leads to. Comparing ourselves to others keeps us focused on ourselves, the material, the superficial, and on what we don’t have. It can lead to false humility (I’m not as good as she is at fill-in-the-blank), and it cripples self-esteem. So, stop it, I tell you! Just stop. Easier said than done, I know. I am the poster child for this one.
Gossip – wounding another’s reputation with our words to another person.
Envy – when it pains you to see others get what you want; when you can’t rejoice with those who rejoice; when you’re sickened at the sight of others’ success. Have you ever felt this way? The only reason I can so freely say that I have is because I know I’m not alone. Isn’t this just the blackest of the black? I’m appalled at myself. But this is what a sin nature is. This is the whole reason Jesus died for me. My heart is nasty like this.
Sharon writes that guilt can be a blessing, and I have to agree. It’s what causes us to repent. Sharon suggests replacing these behaviors with an attitude of gratitude. She writes that gratitude moves us from believing that we are lacking to rejoicing that we are blessed.
I won’t ask whether you struggle with any of these things because I know the answer and I also know you don’t want to discuss the dirty details in the comment section! I’m wondering, however, if any of you did either of the two exercises Sharon suggests at the end of chapter 5 - monitoring your self-esteem and asking yourself the three questions she gives, and/or not going to sleep without expressing gratitude to another person and to God. How did these activities impact you?
A brief word on Chapter 6: Sharon writes that holy longing for meaningful relationship has been written into our make-up by the Creator, but when we ignore, discount, misunderstand, or disregard it, we often look elsewhere for satisfaction, leading to what she calls an affair of the heart. Mary Beauvais had good thoughts on this chapters a few weeks ago. Check it out.
