If you’ve been reading Bravehearts in a group, what did your group’s discussion focus on when you got to chapers 7, 8 and 9? I’m just curious. Now that I’ve read a good portion of the book, I realize that I’d love to actually be in a group and talk some things over in person! I guess that’s the whole point of the Grab & Grow Challenge, huh?
For me, Chapter 8 was a reminder of what we’re often taught at UPC – that we can only forgive and love to the extent that we realize how much we’ve been forgiven and how much we are loved. And not just that we’ve been forgiven, but what we been forgiven for. We must realize the depth and width of our sin in order for Jesus’ work and sacrifice and the Father’s forgiveness to mean as much as it ought. So, chapter 8 focused on confession, repentance, and the liberation of forgiveness that enables us to love others and pursue meaningful relationships without shame.
I enjoyed Chapter 9, “Heart Skills,” wherein Sharon gives 4 practical ways to love well.
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See with Your Heart – Be on the lookout for other people’s strengths, gifts, and abilities. This might take some true patience and detective work if you have very difficult-to-love people in your life. I actually don’t have “difficult” people in my life, and yet I’m very quick to be critical of my family and friends, and overlook positive qualities in order to dwell on negative ones. This is a direct effect of idealism. I unconsciously hold people to my unrealistic expectations and then get frustrated when they don’t measure up. I’ve become aware of this is recent years and think I’m making progress in being aware of when I’m doing this.
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Speak from your heart – also known as speaking the truth in love. I liked how Sharon reminds us several times that it’s not our job to change people – it’s God’s. This is very freeing to me. She also gives three ways to speak from your heart.
a. Pay attention to yourself – Even though we can’t change others, we can change ourselves. We can ask what we can do differently in a particular relationship. Let’s not always assume it’s the other person’s fault!
b. Pray about timing, if you do need to say something.
c. Practice without words – that is, let actions do the talking. She gives a list of creative ways to demonstrate love.
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Wear your heart on your sleeve – This is not fashionable, but I like her point that God does it, so we shouldn’t be afraid to do the same. Why should it be a crime to admit that we want to love and be loved? Everyone in the world wants this, and yet for some reason we aren’t really allowed to talk about it. How ridiculous! Sharon says that we need to be vulnerable and willing to risk disappointment if we’re going to love well.
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Sacrifice for your heart – This is where Sharon makes the case that loving extravagantly will not always change your circumstances or the people around you, but it will change you. Evidently, people who are available for deep, emotional relationships are healthier and live longer (p. 160). I’m missing what she means by “sacrifice for your heart,” however. Did anyone understand that part?
