In Chapter 5, Sharon writes about the hard-hearted woman. She says that a heart of stone is nurtured by these four “uniquely feminine behaviors in relationship: jealousy, comparisons, envy, and gossip.” I sort of laughed at the”uniquely feminine” bit. Is that really true? I guess it probably is.

Jealousy – being afraid of being left out in relationships. I liked her discussion on God declaring Himself jealous and how that shows us just how far He’s willing to go to be in a right relationship with us. I liked how she said that jealousy has holy longing as its root and can be directed toward positively impacting relationships as long as it’s identified, admitted, and worked through. Instead of wallowing in self-pity when we perceive we’re being left out of a relationship, do something constructive about it! Confess it. Talk to the person who it involves. Don’t let it eat you and turn your heart cold.

Comparison – this is what unchecked jealousy leads to. Comparing ourselves to others keeps us focused on ourselves, the material, the superficial, and on what we don’t have. It can lead to false humility (I’m not as good as she is at fill-in-the-blank), and it cripples self-esteem. So, stop it, I tell you! Just stop. Easier said than done, I know. I am the poster child for this one.

Gossip – wounding another’s reputation with our words to another person.

Envy – when it pains you to see others get what you want; when you can’t rejoice with those who rejoice; when you’re sickened at the sight of others’ success. Have you ever felt this way? The only reason I can so freely say that I have is because I know I’m not alone. Isn’t this just the blackest of the black? I’m appalled at myself. But this is what a sin nature is. This is the whole reason Jesus died for me. My heart is nasty like this.

Sharon writes that guilt can be a blessing, and I have to agree. It’s what causes us to repent. Sharon suggests replacing these behaviors with an attitude of gratitude. She writes that gratitude moves us from believing that we are lacking to rejoicing that we are blessed.

I won’t ask whether you struggle with any of these things because I know the answer and I also know you don’t want to discuss the dirty details in the comment section! I’m wondering, however, if any of you did either of the two exercises Sharon suggests at the end of chapter 5 - monitoring your self-esteem and asking yourself the three questions she gives, and/or not going to sleep without expressing gratitude to another person and to God. How did these activities impact you?

A brief word on Chapter 6: Sharon writes that holy longing for meaningful relationship has been written into our make-up by the Creator, but when we ignore, discount, misunderstand, or disregard it, we often look elsewhere for satisfaction, leading to what she calls an affair of the heart. Mary Beauvais had good thoughts on this chapters a few weeks ago. Check it out.

Chapters 4 through 6 of Bravehearts spoke to me. What about you? I like to be in control, or at least, to feel in control (because being in control is quite an elaborate illusion, isn’t it?), and I can testify that I have been down the paths of what Sharon Hersh calls “the life-directions of controlling women”: independence, infatuation, and idealism.

Independence – determining not to want or care about relationships. If someone has hurt me or I perceive someone has slighted me, then fine, I didn’t care about them or our friendship anyway! I’m fine on my own. Have you ever felt that way? Sharon writes that “we diminish our potential for relationships when we determine that the only way to soothe ourselves is to not want relationships…believing that we don’t want, don’t need, and shouldn’t expect much from relationships siphons vitality from our hearts and prevents us from loving with abandon as God does.”

Infatuation – clinging to others as if our life depended on it.

Idealism – thinking that if the people, things, and circumstances of your life were just so, then everything would be alright. This can be subtle, so the author gives a list of thoughts that might reveal a heart controlled by idealism. Some that got to me are

• I seem to be the only one in my family who knows how to keep things clean.
• If I lose my temper with my kids, I am a bad mom.
• My prayer life is never good enough.
• If I check and double-check my work, I can make sure it’s perfect.
• I can control whether people like me by being careful how I say things to them.

Sharon writes that controlling behavior is often founded on a need for approval, and our perfectionism keeps us from accepting God’s unconditional love and keeps us working for the acceptance we will never be able to earn. It reminds me of a hamster on its wheel – just running and running and yet for what? She writes that “the foundation of legalism is a focus on ourselves, which results in lonely, unending striving, aloofness from others, and independence from God.”

What did you think of Chapter 4? Do you suffer from wanting to be “in control”? Do you fall into one of these paths more quickly than the others?

Stay tuned for Chapter 5 & 6 tomorrow. I didn’t want this to become the world’s longest post…

I had this pizza recently at Pam’s house, and it was delicious, especially since I love chicken wings. Yes, our LIFE group has great food - and of course fellowship and all that spiritual stuff too!

Buffalo Chicken Pizza from Pam Robinson

• 2 12 inch pizza crusts (ready made is fine)
• 2-3 Medium size chicken breasts – cooked & chopped into small pieces
• 1 small bottle of blue cheese or ranch salad dressing
• 1 bottle of Frank’s hot wing sauce
• 4 cups of grated Colby/jack cheese – cheddar will work too.

Put chopped chicken in frying pan. Pour a generous amount of hot sauce over chicken and sauté until hot and bubbly. Spread light coating of salad dressing (especially blue cheese dressing) on top of crust. Top with ½ of chicken mixture. Sprinkle 2 cups of grated cheese over chicken. Bake 8-10 minutes until cheese is melted and crust is brown. If using unbaked crust, you will need to bake it 15-20 minutes on the lowest rack of the oven. Remove from oven and sprinkle more hot sauce over top.
Enjoy!

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Ever since Mike Osborne challenged the congregation of UPC to read the bible more, I have been reading through the bible consecutively. (In the past I kind of skipped around to whatever book of the bible struck my fancy at the moment.) Currently, I am reading 2 Kings which has not been my favorite book. It is quite gruesome at times and there is a lot of repetition. However, I was struck today as I read chapters 22-23. In these chapters Josiah becomes king of Judah and during a temple renovation, the Book of the Law is found after years of neglect. Upon hearing the words written in the Book of the Law, Josiah renews the covenant with the Lord and purges the kingdom of idol worship.

Now what struck me about this passage is how entrenched idol worship was in the lives of the people of Judah. There were high places where incense was burned to the gods, a valley where child sacrifice was performed, multiple altars and idols within the temple, sacred stones, mediums, spiritists, and household gods. Idol worship had completely saturated the culture. It was in the home, in the market and in the temple. Sometimes as I read in the Old Testament my 21^st century pride rears its ugly head as I think things like, “that is so dumb that they would worship pieces of stone or wood. I would never do anything like that.” But when I look past my pride I realize that essentially I do the same thing. When my life feels out of control I think that things like a clean house, a smaller dress size or an iced hazelnut latte can comfort or save me. How is this different than the people of Judah turning to the goddess of fertility when their crops are dying? And I realize that our culture is as entrenched in idol worship as Judah. As I look around there is addiction everywhere. We as human beings turn to all sorts of people and things to find comfort and salvation. Eventually all of these things will fall short, just like they did for the people of Judah. Only God can fulfill and sustain.

Poor I was and sought for riches

something that would satisfy

but the dust I gathered ‘round me

only mocked my soul’s sad cry.

Hallelujah! He has found me,

The One my soul so long has craved!

Jesus satisfies all my longings

Through his blood I now am saved.

“Satisfied” by Clara T. Williams (1875) & Karl Digerness (1997)

Our new assistant to the Pastor, Seth Hammond, preached at church this week.  I really appreciated the message he brought from Ecclesiastes.  One thing that particularly struck me was the point that “Intimacy is Insignificant” without Christ.   He talked about how easily we fall into looking for our satisfaction and joy in relationship with others, and looking for fulfillment in places other than God.  This is such truth that with Christ, our relationships can be beautiful and meaningful, but without Him, they become idols.  At times, I have dealt with this real struggle in my marriage, foolishly looking for my husband to be my all-in-all. 

I was also extremely convicted about my excitement (or lack thereof) for Christ to return.  Wow, are my priorities and perspective off when I wish to stay in this world longer and postpone the glorious new Heavens and Earth that Christ will bring.  This is a concept that I neglect to think about very often, but in Seth’s sermon I realized my heart is not in the right place concerning Christ’s return. 

A lot of good things to think about.  If you missed it, you can listen to the sermon here.