Summer is here, in Orlando at least. Although it’s been unusually cooler than normal. But hey, I’m not complaining! I think we’ll be slowing down our posts for the summer. People are traveling, kids are at home, and I at least would rather be outside instead of on my computer. But I will still post because I’ll be here most of the summer and I’m really looking forward to it.

I’ve been traveling a lot all year and to be home for 2 months in a row is a MAJOR delight for me. This weekend my sister-in-law, her husband and 3 girls are coming to visit for the weekend. And I can’t wait to see my nieces! They are too cute!!!

And for the rest of my summer until mid July, I’m going to make it to the beach as often as possible. I have years that I never go and years that I’m always there. I’m making this a year that I’ll be at the beach. Feel free to join me.

Those are my summer plans. Do you have any big summer plans?

What is it? How does it look? Does it change as you get older? Is it a constant striving? A continual development? Does it last? How much can you really be in community with someone, when life takes and pulls in so many different directions?

This striving, this longing, I am finding very wearisome. Very disheartening.

I did a Book Study a few years back on “Bravehearts” by Sharon Hersh. Here is the description on the back:

Within every woman is the desire for extraordinary relationships. We crave intimacy and interconnectedness, companionship, and camaraderie. Yet most of us begin to wonder if we want too much. As heartbreak and disappointment take their toll, we become convinced that our desire for deep connection is our downfall. Not understanding that a woman’s longings are her strength, we bury or ignore this God-given compass and lose our way. Yet the desire to connect persists. We make cookies for a new family in the neighborhood, send a note of encouragement to someone at church, plan date nights with our spouse, call a friend after a bad day at work to tell her every detail because we know she cares.
And still we long for more.

I like how she says interconnectedness, companionship, and camaraderie. Lately I have taken an interest in the thought of integrated relationships (where you have more than one connection with a friend in the things you are involved in). And yet I wonder if that is really possible. I have experienced it some in my life at times. In fact, 3 of those people that come to mind have all moved away in the past four years. These were people that cared for me, understood me, “got me”, and we had connections in life at different aspects.

I think, in a way, I am grieving that today as I write this. I am sad that life gets so busy and doesn’t leave room for friendships of this caliber much. It disheartens me that our lives are so spread out, so disconnected from one another. It makes me disappointed to see how selfishness and self-reliance keeps us from really being interconnected in one another’s lives.

So, I ask you…what do you think? Do you think it is possible? Have you experienced friendship like this or are you now? And what do you think are the barriers?

If you’d have asked me a few weeks ago what was going on with me, I might’ve said, “I’m really frustrated right now.”

In fact, I have been saying that very thing for many years, though lately it’s been much more frequent. So much so that Jane has added that word to her vocabulary. “Mommy’s frus-TRAIT-ed” and sometimes, when Elizabeth is yelling or crying loudly, “Listabef’s frust-TRAIT-ed.”

But I’m not.

Frustrated, that is.

I’m angry.

“Hostile” was the label my Taylor-Johnson Personality Analysis assigned to it.

But I’m not angry, I angrily thought.

Ahh. Self-awareness.

It has eluded me again.

It turns out I’m angry about some things after all.

You might be wondering what I’m angry about.

The truth is, so am I.

The first step, though, (and it’s a big one) has been to admit that I’m angry at all.

Since I’ve admitted that I have previously-denied/stuffed anger, I’ve noticed that practically nobody says they’re angry anymore.

They’re “ticked off” or “irritated” or “annoyed” or my favorite, the universally applicable, “Frustrated.”

Why is that?

Why are we afraid to say we’re angry? Is it that uncommon an emotion? I think not.

Do we think we’re so highly civilized that we no longer experience anger? Is it not okay to experience anger anymore? Or is it okay to experience anger, just as long as you don’t admit it?

Why is it acceptable to have road-rage or traffic-temper, but not acknowledge normal (can I say healthy?) anger?

For those of us that are Christians, are we operating under the thought that a “good Christian” doesn’t get angry…ever?

I mean, do we really think that if we believe in Jesus Christ that we’ll never experience anger again? (pause.) He did. (Mark 3:1-6) Why would we be any exception?

You might point out that Jesus was perfect (and we are not!), which makes it okay that he got angry, because his expression of it wasn’t wrong.

But I can admit that I do other things that are wrong. I just seem to have an aversion to owning my anger.

And I’m not alone.

Ask yourself, “When was the last time I said, ‘I am angry’?”

My guess is, unless you’re in counseling or a process group of some kind, or are remarkably emotionally well-balanced, you’d be hard-pressed to remember the time, though you may know immediately the last time you actually were angry.

Or you may be like me, and not have the first clue.

After all, I’m not “angry”…I’m just “frustrated.”

I apologize to all of you who have already read this on my blog. A couple of Moderators (neither of them me, by the way!) thought that this post might be a good addition to Craving Grace, so here it is.

Without further ado…

Do you recognize this rock formation? If you love to watch the Olympics like I do you may recognize it. This rock formation, called an inukshuk,is the inspiration for the Vancouver 2010 Winter Olympic logo.

This structure stands in Vancouvers English Bay representing hospitality and friendship. Friendship as well as the welcoming of the world are the meanings of both the English Bay structure and the 2010 Winter Olympics logo

Rob and I are vacationing in beautiful (super beautiful) British Columbia, Canada. We absolutely love it here. Today we spent the day in downtown Vancouver and saw this rock formation while walking around. I said to Leah, my Canadian friend who came with us, “this looks familiar”, to which she replied, “it’s the logo for the 2010 Olympics.”

Oh, so that’s how they came up with the logo. I saw the logo at the closing ceremonies in Torino and knew it had something to do with the native Americans in Canada but I never knew what it was or meant. Click on the links for more information. They are very interesting. I love learning about different cultures and meanings of things.

We went back the the beach at English Bay in the evening as the sun was going down and took this photo. Watching the sun set was the perfect way to end the evening.

Sometimes you can’t live with them, sometimes you can’t live without them.

I’m a middle child, with an older and younger sister. This is a great photo of us from last year. Anita, my younger sister, is in the middle and Susie, my older sister, is on the right.

Ever read a description of a middle child? Well, that’s totally me. When we were younger two would always gang up on one. And the two doing the ganging up on always changed, depending on how we were getting along.

I’m happy to say that my sisters and I don’t do that anymore. We all get along, and I miss them terribly. My family lives in the DC area where I grew up. I love when my sister’s come to visit. They’re my closest friends.

Well, there’s some family drama going on right now (with my dad) and I’m feeling it more than my sisters. So I called Susie to “unload” because Anita is busy in meetings. Plus I knew Susie would listen and understand. Hopefully I didn’t hurt her eardrums.

She gave me good advice, which I’m going to take, and I felt much better afterwards. The piece of chocolate cake I had for lunch helped too!

Family. I love them, even when they frustrate me. But, does anyone really have a perfect family?