Control - to have power over.

Control. I don’t have control issues. Or do I? I’m sitting on my couch writing about Chapter 5 so late in the day because my day didn’t go exactly as I had planned. I was supposed to be doing this around noon time. My day didn’t go as I had planned. I didn’t have power over my day like I thought.

My life hasn’t turned out as I planned. I never realized that was a control issue until this chapter. I never gave God a blank sheet of paper and told him to fill my life with His will. I did give God a piece of paper and gave Him power to use me in ministry as He wanted. Now as I think about that time I realize the paper wasn’t blank; it was full of MY plans for my life. I’ve since scrunched up that piece of paper with my ideas for my life and thrown it out. It seems the more I try to have power over my life, the less power I actually have. And even though I know I’ll never be in control, I still try.

I like how Paula writes that our “need to control is really our passions turned neurotic”.(pg 68) Okay, we all know that neurotic is not a good word. But it makes me laugh because it’s so true. And being neurotic about our passions can take one of 2 shapes and I’ve experienced both.

• anxious, overbearing, and self-protective
• avoidance and self-protection

What’s the pain in your life that makes you feel you need to be in control?

I made an inner vow as a teenage years that I would never let myself be hurt like I was ever again. And up until recently I kept my vow. Now I’m learning to release my sticky fingers from my inner vow of which has resulted in control and has affected many parts of my life. Man it’s hard.

I like what Paula’s friend, Doug, said to her when she was complaining about a failed dream.

“You have to realize, Paula, that your dreams aren’t going to materialize in the way you have hoped - even the ones you thought God gave you. Some will turn out better than you could ever imagine. Some will go belly up. And hardly any will match the picture in your mind.”

Sounds so depressing until you look at 1 Corinthians 2:9.

Eye has not seen, nor ear heard,
Nor have entered into the the heaert of man
The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.

Do you know that God knows everything and always has your best in mind? Even when we go through hard times God knows what He’s doing, even though we may have no clue.

Pull those sticky fingers from areas of your life you’re trying to control. Pull hard. Because when you do the burden to make sure everything goes according to plan is lifted off of you. Stress and worries slowly go away. Let God carry that burden for you.

Questions to think about.

• What would it be like to trust God with the issues or relationship you are most tempted to try to control?
• What would most help you to release your sticky fingers from the steering wheel of you life?

Oh, and by the way, giving up control can be a daily thing. I’d love to hear how you’re doing with the book and your thoughts on the chapters.

Next week Chapter 6.

I’ve read this chapter over and over again and I’m still processing so much of the information. I’ll write a little more on this post about this chapter. Let’s read Chapter 5 for next week.

I’d like to hear from you. What are some of your thoughts on Chapter 4?

So much is distilled in our tears…not the least of which is wisdom in living life. I have learned that if you follow your tears, you will find your heart. And if you find your heart, you will find what is dear to God. And if you find what is dear to God, you will find the answer to how you should live your life. Ken Gire

This week I’m only going to cover Chapter 3 because it’s important and I don’t want to rush the reading. I want us to be able to really examine the book, our lives and our hearts.

So let’s talk about pain – emotional pain. It’s not a fun subject to talk about and it’s not something we want to experience. Most of us have had some kind of pain in our lives; some more than others. No matter how hard we try to avoid it, we will have pain in our life, but it’s how we deal with our emotional pain that is important.

Paula writes in this chapter that emotional pain has the potential to shape our future. It can have a negative effect on us by numbing our heart and destroying our passion for life. Or it can have the positive effect of refining and blessing us. It’s up to us to decide what to do with our heart pain.

She described three types of pain:
The Sudden – an unexpected loss, something out of the blue
The Subtle – the slow loss of a dream, the loss of a valued ability, the loss of an old identity. It happens slowly over time an seem to be a part of life rather than a loss.
The Amplified – pain felt in the present that reminds us of pain felt in the past.

I read with great interest the section entitled “The Invisible Fork In The Road”, which was about the options we have for dealing with our pain. There are several options for dealing with the emotional pain of our heart. Which road will you go down?

• A) You can ignore it and pretend it’s not there. I’ve tried this before and it always reappears. Sometimes it takes days, months, and even years.
• B) You can “get stuck in the dark and ugly, wrapping yourself in the strangely warm cocoon of anger and bitterness”. (Pg. 45) I have tried this approach too. I’ve realized that being angry and bitter won’t solve the problem or take away the pain. Instead it deadens your heart even more, encasing it in a protective steel covering.
• C) You can open your heart to God. This I am continually learning to do.

What you do with your pain affects you and everyone you love. God cares about you and your pain. Paula writes, “For the secret you stumble on is that if, once hurt, you open your heart and let God take you by the hand, he will lead you to a better place than you have know. Not necessarily easier, but a place of freedom and even joy.” (Pg. 45)

Dealing with our emotional pain is hard. I know from experience. And I trust that God can and will turn it into something good.

I lost my good health just about 3 years ago. I went from being a high-energy person to not being able to do anything but sleep and lay on the couch. During the first 6 months of my illness I was angry with God and wanted to be the way I was before. Slowly, as I opened my heart to God (which was not easy to do) I’ve learned to live with my chronic illness. I can see how it’s been a good thing in my life, even though it’s hard.

Right now I’m dealing with something even harder and I’ve recently realized I’ve been stuck in option B. I’m ready now for Option C.

So let me ask you:

• How do you deal with your emotional pain?
• Is it hard for you to open your heart to God?
• When you’re at the fork in the road, which road will you choose to go down?

My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be shaken.
On God my salvation and my glory rest;
The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.
Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour our your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us. Psalm 62: 5-8

Next week: Chapter 4 - LOSING HEART: How it Happens

First let me apologize for not writing yesterday about our study book. Please forgive me. I will try to stick to Monday’s. Now for the book.

I don’t know about you but I think I could spent a week or two on one chapter alone! There was so much good reading that is relevant to my life right now. It was suggested to me last year that I read this book. I don’t know what it means to be a strong woman with a soft heart. I just didn’t get it and still kind of don’t.

Paula’s definition of a strong woman with a soft heart is - “a woman in touch with God and alive to all the possibilities that walking with him can bring.” She also writes that the underlying premise of the book is that “we must have our hearts intact in order to make the journey of lie well.”

Awakening: God Calls Our Hearts(Chapter 1)
I have recently realized that I’ve been wandering through life but have left my heart behind. I know why I’ve done it. I haven’t wanted to deal with the hard areas of my life that require opening up my heart. I haven’t wanted to deal with the struggles and go through the pain all over again. That’s not what god wants for us though. He wants you and me to live from the heart. In fact, God pursues our hearts where the pain, brokenness and inadequacies lie in the dark. He wants all of us, the good and the bad: our laughter, our tears, dreams and fears. And this is the hard part for me; because it’s hard to open myself up even to God because I know it’s going to be hard. At the same time, I’m grateful that God pursues me to deal with the hard stuff because He knows it will make me more like him.

1) What struck you most about chapter one?
2) What most tempts you to make the journey of life on autopilot?
3) If a journey of the heart is about awakening the deepest recesses of your being, what makes it strangely attractive to “stay asleep.”
4) What has drawn you personally to a focus on the journey of the heart? What is this need about in your own life?

Desire: The Language of the Heart (Chapter 2)
The language of the heart is the language of desire. It took me a long time to figure out what the desires of my heart are. I’m still working on it. I think it’s been so long that I’ve thought about it that I’ve pushed away the desires of my heart.

1) What kind of longings are stirred in you when you watch a beautiful sunset, enjoy coffee with a good friend, or see a couple in love?
2) C.S. Lewis claimed that “when we are wholly his we will be more ourselves than ever.” How does that statement make you feel? How would your life be different if you more deeply believed that?
3) Is there any one area of your life where you sense God stirring in you heart to move you out of the stand and onto the playing field? What would give you the courage to listen and respond?

I’ve deadened the desires of my heart because they seem impossible to reach. I believe that making myself wholly available to God will make me more myself. Much easier said than done. But we need to remember that our desires are not too much for Him to handle, too dangerous for you to explore, or too petty to concern him. “Desire and longing are the raw stuff he shapes in the secret chambers of your soul. They are our ticket to a passionate, meaningful life - and to knowing God.” We need to bring our heart to God. I need to bring my heart to God with my desires.

Please feel free to comment and answer the questions. Next week Chapters 3 & 4.

One more question, if anyone is following the study, would you rather do one chapter per week, instead of two?